Sometimes, the beginnings don't matter. Sometimes, the endings are what define us and so let's begin with my ending. 500 days have passed since I broke up with this girl. Does it matter who said the word? Does it matter who ended everything? No, it does not. But i will tell you anyway. It is said that when you die, your soul is taken away from you. But what if it is the other way around? what if you are the one who have taken a soul away? what if I was the one who ended it?
I did not have a soul at birth. I have always felt cold and indifferent towards anything. I have always sought out her warmth and soul to keep living and I took a part of hers when I left.
It was a turning point in my life; not because of the breakup itself, but because what came before it that led to the drastic change that happened to me. It was the last straw in a long story full of disappointments and losses. People will always remember this event as the reason of my personality shift and I don't blame them for that. Because people don't look more than few centimeters ahead of them.
It is said that love is a heroin and I agree with them because the withdrawal had its toll on me. And for that my dear reader I thought it would be great if you know the story of a real love breakup.
Day#1
At last I was free of the chains of love. Unfortunately freedom always comes with a high price. The pain was massive I couldn't practically live. I had to take an antidepressant to survive the first day.
Day#3
Friends didn't help. They could not handle me and despite of their support there was no difference. They have decided to give it time.
Day#4
Because of the side effects of the antidepressant, I had to quit. The pain kept coming like waves some were weak others were lethal but I had to endure.
Day#5
I bought a few expensive things. I couldn't bear the fact that I have the money for an engagement and I had to throw it all away.
Day#20
Through the struggle, I had a new friend, I owe her everything that is saved in me and every piece that is healed in me. Thank you!
And despite the help, I still had frequent pain.
Day#60
The pain and anger still here. I had a visit to the beach. I was hoping that would calm me down. But I couldn't feel any difference at all. Nothing works on me. I feel hopeless.
Day#80
I have tried to love another girl and it didn't work of course. More importantly, I came to realise that I love myself more than anyone else.
Day#100
I had an idea of counting the days until 500 days so that I would know what would be the results of my tale.
Day#224
New year's resolutions, It's a new start for me. I have decided to travel abroad and I started planning for this.
Day#250
I am totally in love with myself.
Day#283
And though the candy tastes beautifully, the taste of herring fish is still in my mouth. I still miss her and it tastes bitter and I came to realise how unhealthy this relationship was. And I couldn't help but missing her.
Day#326
I went to a play with my friend. It affected me to a way I could not fathom. I am thankful that I've watched it. It made my life easier and calmer.
Day#434
I went to apply for a passport and to prepare for my plan. That is when I saw her. That is when I knew I feel nothing for her anymore. No hearts skipping a beat, no childish smiles, nothing at all.
Sometimes we meet only to part.
And we see each other only to know there's nothing left.
Day#487
I have determined to regain all of my lost abilities and torn away pieces. without losing anything I have gained.
Day#500
I have waited for that girl that calls Autumn to love (as happened in the movie). But unfortunately I didn't find one. I am good and feel well. I do not need my other half because I am a whole being. I have supportive friends and a great life ahead of me. I wouldn't waste it.
